Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I want to be a wife and mom. Period.

All I have ever wanted is to be a wife and mom. I am not opposed to working but for me, I want to be a stay at home mom one day. Thankfully, with my Architectural drafting degree I can work part-time from home when that time comes. Children are not in our foreseeable future... but I will be completely honest. I have baby fever. Badly. And we are not even sure that we can even have children of our own. When I was paralyzed and finding out the extend of my spinal problems, my doctor told me I would not be able to carry a baby to full term and if I could, then I would most likely be paralyzed for the rest of my life. Add on top of that the fact that Trevor had some health problems several years ago that might make getting pregnant even harder. I trust completely that if God will fill the desires of my heart to be a mother, whether it is through our own children or through adoption. And my prayers lately have focused on me trusting in His will, and requesting patience.

Sometimes it is frustrating to even be in school when all I want right now is to take care of my husband and work towards that goal of being a mom. I keep reminding myself that I am so close to being done that I can almost taste it. May will be quite a celebration, for sure.

Since I have started working again, life seems to be speeding by me. While I know that this is God's plan for us right now and a way to help provide, I can't wait for this to be over. Or more accurately, I can't wait to get adjusted to where this is manageable. I am taking 19 semester hours this semester which turns into approximately 35 hours in class a week. Add working on top of that. I am so grateful for hours and to be earning money. But how in the world do I balance school, work, and being a wife?

Strangely, I am not really stressed. I'm not sure how to describe it. Seeking more hours in the day? Needing to reorganize? Discouraged? Something...

My classes were cancelled for tomorrow and since Wednesday is my day off at work, I plan on sleeping in and catching up on TV/Netflix, but I am determined to get a lot accomplished. I will share the fruits of my labor later. Maybe that will motivate me even more - having documented proof of what I did or didn't do with my day. ;o)

This too shall pass. And though it is hard to find the time to do everything I need to do I WILL find time to Be Still. I won't quit school. Period. It isn't an option for me. But I'm still looking toward my ultimate goal of being a full-time wife and mom.
It is so hard considering that very few of my friends are married. We can't really relate to each other on the wife/mom type of level and many of them don't even understand my desire to be a stay at home mom. Any encouragement and advise would be appreciated. I think maybe I just need to find new friends who are on that wife/mom page. =)

On a different note, I have discovered the beauty of scheduled posts. My last two posts were scheduled. It's so nice to take advantage of some down time to go ahead and type up multiple thoughts and posts without loading it all down into one random post(which this one might be categorized under - Oops). I think I might blow my monthly posting average out of the water this month. Not hard considering I have never posted more than 8 posts in a month. Ha. Now I am determined to post more often. Not going to lie, getting feedback and responses has been motivating me to be more active in posting. I will do my best to keep reading and commenting in my spare time(especially down time at school).

I'm going to call it a night but look for a post tomorrow detailing my day of productivity. =)


Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

Hope you enjoy YOUR day tomorrow to yourself and do whatever the heck you want :) and I too am a huge fan of scheduled posts!

The creative housewife said...

I'm not one of those people that likes say I know what your going through! because it's probably not true! But I do have an idea of what your going through! My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years now! And it hasn't happened, I went in and got all kinds of tests and stuff done this summer to see if I had pcs and everything came back fine! We can't a-ford to go to a fertility doctor right now! We are still paying off all the bills from the summer that insurance didn't cover! Anyways' I EVERY one I know if my life litterly! has had at least one baby if not 2! it has torn me and my husband up so bad * need I say a few of the ppl really shouldn't have kids* But I know how that baby fever is! I'm a stay at home-wife! I sell my hobby * well try* and watch little kids!
I love being home I love everything about it! And my 2 closest friends here are both stay at home moms! It's so hard just waiting! And really wondering if it will ever happen! But we have just had to give all our faith to the Lord and trust in him to give us a baby! I really hope that sumday you will get that fulfillment in your life, God has amazing ways of knocking us on our feet with things we never thought would happen!And If you do get pregnant I pray that it is a safe successful pregnancy!

MrsB said...

♥♥♥ hang in there! im sure it's tough but remember to 'let go, let God'

Miranda Tucci said...

Hey there girly! I know it's easier said than done, but don't be discouraged. God DOES have a beautiful plan for your life and when you're ready - you'll be a Momma. Maybe right now God see's that you're trying to finish school, maybe you have some other things going on in your life that need your attention RIGHT NOW. Once those things are settled, God's plan will continue to lead you and you'll be able to get pregnant. It's hard to remember that He has a plan all his own and on his own time. Before I got pregnant with Tristan, I had baby fever BAD. It didn't happen when I wanted it to, but it happened when God wanted it to.

Just hang in there and know that there are friends in "blog land" praying for you and your journey!

khenriques said...

we had a friend who's wife had a similar sounding spinal problem. i'll be praying for you though that you'll know God's will and that he will fulfill your dreams and desires!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Hang in there. Enjoy your day!!